Birds and Bees
by Kylarkallana
Summary: Trowa, Wufei, and Duo are attempting to enlighten Heero on the facts of life. Just a fun thing. RR


A/N: Hey my wonderful readers! This is my first attempt at a Gundam Wing fan fic. In fact, I came up with this idea a while back and just haven't been able to write anything with it. I just got busy trying to finish my last two YYH fics and then I had a nice one shot X-Men fic that has very little to do with the X-Men and a lot to do with me and a flying red chicken. It's random it's funny and you should check it out. Oh and if you don't want to see the Gundam boys (especially Heero) in an extremely embarrassing light, you won't continue to read. They are explaining to Heero the facts of life. The content in here will be of a sexual nature. Think of your three best friends trying to teach you about the birds and bees and that's what Heero's going through. It's not Yaoi. They're just explaining the concept of heterosexual sex. DISCLAIMER: Ok I would like to say I do not own any of the characters in Gundam Wing. And I'm sorry if some of them come out of character a bit. I'm still learning to play with their characters.  
  
Heero nodded disinterestedly at whatever the blonde across from him was saying. Her name was something like Bambi or Barbie or something stupid ending with a perky EE sound. Duo had set him up with her. The girl sighed and Heero looked up from his plate, feigning interest.  
  
"Look Heero. I'll be honest with you. I want your body." She told him, completely straight-faced.  
  
Heero blinked. ~She wants my body? Is she a cannibal or something? Or another mad scientist?!~ Heero decided that he'd had enough mad scientists to last him a lifetime. "I have to go." He said and stood and left, not even bothering to pay the bill. The girl looked displeased to say the least.  
  
Heero called a cab and fumed the entire way back to the house he shared with the other four Gundam boys. He was going to KILL Duo. How could he set him up with a psycho like that?!  
  
Duo's head popped out of the fridge as he heard the door slam. "What happened?" He asked Heero blankly. "You're back early."  
  
"Duo! You hooked me up with some kind of mad scientist or something." Heero snarled and sent a punch for Duo's head. Duo, long used to these 'misunderstandings' had long ago learned to duck the first punch at least.  
  
"What are you talking about? I hardly think Mandi is nearly smart enough to be a any kind of scientist. Much less a mad one." He grinned.  
  
"She said she wanted my body. What else could she mean?" Heero growled, completely certain of his conclusion. His confidence was shaken however when Duo burst out laughing.  
  
"Dude. That's not what she meant." Duo gasped between laughter.  
  
"What did she mean then?" Heero was grumpy again. Duo was laughing too hard at him and it was starting to piss him off.  
  
"Ok what she means is...." With that Duo went into a rather disjointed explanation of the act of sexual intercourse. "So there ya have it. Any questions?" Duo finished proudly, thinking he'd done a rather good job explaining it all.  
  
"Yes. What do cats and roosters have to do with procreation?" Heero asked blankly.  
  
Duo blinked at Heero for a moment. "Y'know. Maybe you'd better go talk to Wufei. He's a scholar and he's been married and all. I'm sure he's got loads of books on the topic." He sent Heero off to find Wufei.  
  
Wufei heard a knock on his door. "Come in." He called, not looking up from his book. Heero entered the room. "What is it?"  
  
"Well, Duo was trying to explain something to me downstairs, only he's really bad at it and told me to come up and ask you." Heero began awkwardly.  
  
"You probably should have come here first." Wufei sighed. "What's the question?"  
  
"Can you tell me about sex?" Heero asked.  
  
Wufei blinked a moment, then, recovering from this unexpected question, moved to his bookshelf and began to rummage through. "I have just the thing." He pulled out a book on the facts of life and handed it to Heero. "Go read this. It'll explain everything."  
  
Heero nodded and took the book downstairs to the living room and sat down on the couch. He opened it and began reading.  
  
Duo walked into the living room a few minutes later, munching on a sandwich to find Heero holding the book sideways, trying to make sense of it all.  
  
"Man! Wufei gave you the wrong shit!" Duo grinned. "Hold on I'll be right back." Duo dashed upstairs and returned moments later with a handful of disks under his arm. "Here. You should be watching these." He popped in one of the disks and turned on the TV for Heero, and then left the room.  
  
Twenty minutes later, Trowa returned home to the sounds of a woman screaming a man grunting and the site of Heero staring at the screen of the TV, highly puzzled with his head cocked to the side. "How is that position even possible?" Heero muttered to himself.  
  
"Heero...Are you ok?" Trowa asked.  
  
Heero blinked and looked up. "Yes. Duo and Wufei have been trying to teach me about sex, but I'm still confused." He sighed.  
  
Trowa smiled slightly and turned off the TV. "You should have known better than to go to those two. Let me guess. Duo gave you the porn and Wufei gave you a book and sent you on your way."  
  
Heero nodded. "Pretty much."  
  
"Come on. I'll fill you in on some of the finer points." Trowa jerked his head in the direction of the kitchen, indicating that Heero should follow him in there.  
  
About fifteen minutes later, Heero came barging into Duo's room and took Duo's black book out of the top drawer of his desk.  
  
"Hey! What're ya doin?!" Duo shouted in protest.  
  
"I'm calling that Mandi girl. I have a few things I want to try." Heero shrugged and left the room with Duo's book.  
  
A/N: Ok so that's it. Sorry if you hated it, but it was just supposed to be something light hearted and funny. I try not to take things too seriously. If you flame me for the content I will laugh at you for taking a cartoon so seriously so don't waste yours or my time flaming. It'll only embarrass you. Hope you like it anyway though! 


End file.
